DAD

This is a small article about the feelings of a little girl who grew up soon enough to understand that things weren't always going to be fine.. read on to understand!

DADA
I always thought that among the most relationships, a father and daughter relationship was the strongest. May be I thought so because for me, my relationship with my dad was strong. For me, my dad was a hero. He was the one who held me tight every time I had a fever; he was the one who sung to me every night to put me to bed. I even remember, when we were in Singapore, how he used to put me on his shoulders and roam around the whole city as though I were a part of him. I really love and cherish those moments. Well I was also well known for going to school once in a blue moon that’s because my dad never travelled without me.
For my dad, (at least I thought so) I was the biggest priority in his life. Everything else was behind me, even my mom. May be that is why when my little brother was born my dad made sure that I wasn’t left out. He always made sure he was my best friend. I could talk to my dad about anything. Though he was elder to me, when I used to talk to him I felt as though we weren’t different.

Then started the problem; I started growing up. I saw my mom and dad have fights and I started questioning. Though those fights were horrible, I still stuck to supporting my dad. I convinced myself everything is going to be alright. I didn’t have the slightest clue in those days as to why my mom and dad were fighting and why my mom was crying and why my dad was screaming, but I had this notion in my head that whatever my dad did was right but I didn’t realize that it was wrong. It was not until late that I learnt that my dad was having an affair, but that didn’t make any sense to me. I thought whatever it was he still loves me. I still remember that in one of the fights I stood by him. I even told him if he wanted to leave my mom it was okay with me. I didn’t ever realise what kind of pain my mom would have endured. Slowly I started to realise that what my dad was doing was wrong. I started to question him and he said this one line that I don’t know why sank into my head so deeply I can’t get it out. He said “I sacrificed my life for you at the age of 22”. What that line meant, I still don’t understand. In most of the fights I stared taking my mom’s side and supporting her. I didn’t want my younger brother to go through the same as I did.

At one point the fight went so far, that my dad said he would die for this girl he was having an affair with. I still remember the moment I heard that I couldn’t believe my ears. The person who I thought meant the most to me and the person I thought who wouldn’t do anything to hurt me and would put me first didn’t do that.

I had lost my dad to lust. My dad had drifted away from me thanks to this girl who was just 10years elder to me and who I had once upon a time worked with.

My dad had lied to me. He hadn’t sacrificed anything for me. He had lied. I didn’t even matter.

I still love my dad, but one thing that I can’t put up with is the fact that he choose someone else over me. I liked it when I was six, I would sit on my dad’s shoulder go to sleep peacefully in his arms but it’s not like that anymore. Every time I talk to him, that one thing that he said that he would die for her always comes up in my mind. I was wrong. My dad was wrong.

People around me say that I have a very big ego, and I shouldn’t be like this. But the fact remains its not ego, my dad and I know this. I valued the relationship that I had with my dad, but it was in the past. I don’t think that I can ever be the same with him or he would be the same ever with me ever again.

But that doesn't mean that I don't love my dad... Sometimes when the people you love the most hurt you then more than hate it becomes a point of trust that you don't know where exactly you are!!

I just want to say I love you dadda!